Probably the most ridiculous thing about True Blood besides everything about it is the idea that Jason Stackhouse would know all the lyrics to “Cherry Bomb” by heart trying to imagine explaining last night’s episode to someone who had never seen the show before. We jump in right where we last left off, and it’s a fucking nightmare. “OK, so, you see, the two vampires just killed the Vampire Prime Minister, I think, something like that, and now they have to kill someone with a silver UMBRELLA and fuck their own siblings in a The Wire Season 2 Frank Sabotka storage container and get new VAMPIRE PASSPORTS before the Vampire government stabs them with wooden stakes for vampire treason. Meanwhile, the naked dog/bird shapeshifter who owns a bar and grill with a pool table is being hunted by the werewolves for killing another werewolf because he wants to date a woman with a child that he met in a support group and it turns out werewolves are cannibals at funerals that is a thing and Lafayette has the dark Mexican magic but he is sad because he stabbed his own boyfriend while wearing his boyfriend’s own silk robe but now the body is gone probably to be turned into an Egyptian mummy and there used to be maenads whatever those are and Sookie is a fairy but we’re not talking about that right now for some reason and where are the Panther People now that you mention it but the most important thing is that this all comes back to THE WAR IN IRAQ.” Oh neat. Let’s keep watching this sounds great!

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- Videogum’s summary of True Blood Season 5 premiere. 

ROFL. I will probably keep watching… for a few more episodes.